How to Teach Your Kids About Forgiveness
There are so many everyday moments where we can help our kids learn about forgiveness—when a sibling says something unkind, when they’re left out of the team, when a teacher blames them unfairly, or even when they’re upset at us for being late to pick them up. Some children find it harder to let go of hurt, while others seem to forgive more easily. But no matter their natural tendency, every child needs to be taught how to forgive.
Here’s some great keys to consider when teaching your kids how to forgive:
1. We forgive because God forgave us.
Read them the parable in Matthew 18. Jesus used this parable to teach his disciples about forgiveness.
You can also look at Matthew 6:15:
But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.
What does this scripture mean for us?
2. Forgiveness isn’t a feeling – it’s a choice we make.
Sometimes we don’t want to forgive because we feel so hurt, but we need to forgive out of obedience to God. This is a great opportunity to teach your kids that we don’t live by feelings but by God’s commands. So we can say, even when we still feel hurt, “I forgive them, God,” and also ask God to help soften our heart towards them and turn these feelings of hurt into feelings of love.
One of the most powerful examples of forgiveness I’ve ever come across comes from a woman named Corrie Ten Boom. During World War II, Corrie and her family risked their lives by hiding Jews from the Nazis. Eventually, they were discovered, and Corrie was sent to a concentration camp. There, she lost her father and her beloved sister Betsie and endured unimaginable suffering and cruelty. It’s exactly because of the depth of what she went through that her story of forgiveness is so profound and unforgettable:
“It was at a church service in Munich that I saw him, the former S.S. man who had stood guard at the shower door in the processing center at Ravensbrück. He was the first of our actual jailers that I had seen since that time. And suddenly it was all there – the roomful of mocking men, the heaps of clothing, Betsie’s pain-blanched face. He came up to me as the church was emptying, beaming and bowing. ‘How grateful I am for your message, Fraulein,’ he said. ‘To think that, as you say, He has washed my sins away!’ His hand was thrust out to shake mine. And I, who preached so often to the people in Bloemendaal the need to forgive, kept my hand at my side. Even as the angry, vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? Lord Jesus, I prayed, forgive me and help me to forgive him. I tried to smile; I struggled to raise my hand. I could not. I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity. And so again I breathed a silent prayer. Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me your forgiveness. As I took his hand the most incredible thing happened. From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand a current seemed to pass from me to him, while into my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me. And so, I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world’s healing hinges, but on His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself.”
Forgiveness can be hard, but we are given the opportunity to participate in the love that Jesus shows the world with our forgiveness. We are given an opportunity to be like Christ when we forgive. I also love how this story teaches us that Christ gives us the love we need to forgive as we practice forgiveness. The love of God can be greater in us than our hurt if we just step out in faith and forgive.
3. Help them grow to operate in grace.
Think of people you know who are quick to forgive – it’s often because they exhibit grace. Teaching your kids about forgiveness is a great way to help them understand that we only see things from our perspective, but we should work to see things from others’ perspectives as well. This helps us have grace for others. That teacher that told them off when it wasn’t their fault – they’re a person as well, they also have bad days, they have a big class they’re responsible for, they’re not perfect. That sibling that said a mean word – have there been times that you’ve said a mean word because you were angry? Everyone makes mistakes. Having self-control over our tongues takes time teach your children to extend grace to others.
I know as you try and teach your kids about forgiveness God will be faithful to help you find the right words to say!
Much love,
Liv